The Heroine's Journey

or... Mothers Create the Conditions for Healthy Pregnancy and Thriving Babies

When I was a young mother, just three little ones clinging to my legs and breasts, I trained to become a volunteer with the organization that helped me breastfeed successfully. I was grateful to them and wanted to help other mamas.

For the most part, that was a good experience for me, and I did help many other mamas - but there was something that consistently bothered me.

We weren’t “allowed” to use certain language. We couldn’t tell mothers, for example, that nutrition had an impact on their breastmilk composition. We had to speak in a formula instead, saying “some mothers find that XYZ can help in situation ABC.”

That was during the rise of the “vitamin D is deficient in breastmilk!” paranoia amongst pediatricians, who prescribed vitamin D drops to breastfeeding babies en masse.

But what was actually happening with breastmilk (and is still true today) is that mothers were deficient in Vitamin D. When you supplement the mama, her milk has more Vitamin D.

But we couldn’t say that.

Why?

Because it might make some moms feel guilty. Some moms were harried, overwhelmed, hanging on by a thread! You don’t want to give them something else to worry about!

It might make them stop breastfeeding and run for the formula aisle!

Mothers Deserve the Truth, the Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth (so help me God)

Mamas cannot make meaningful changes for their babies if information is withheld from them in a misguided attempt to protect them from guilt.

There’s a much larger societal message here, as we exist in a world of participation trophies in every primary school and safe spaces on every university campus…

…but large societal problems aside, we are doing women a disservice when we do not share information frankly and completely.

Mothers deserve to know they have great power over their health, their babies’ health, and pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding outcomes.

Does this mean that a mama can prevent every unwanted outcome? No.

There are babies who will have congenital defects (birth defects), developmental delays. There are some pregnancy complications and birth complications that may occur, “no matter what.”

But even in those situations, you can make a difference.

A child with a birth defect can be stronger and healthier, for example, if a mother is careful with her prenatal nutrition and advocates persistently for her child before and after birth.

While we cannot 100% prevent things like birth defects, we can take steps to reduce their likelihood or help our children live vibrant lives if a complication cannot be prevented.

Mothers Create the Conditions for Healthy Pregnancies and Thriving Babies

I’m deep in the beginning stages of my upcoming pregnancy book - a project I’ve been gestating for at least a decade, and I’m so excited to finally work on.

The only thing that really matters is that the book serve you, the pregnant mama. So I’ve spent a lot of time pondering the messaging of my book.

I realized I’d get pushback with what I want most to convey:

Mothers create the conditions for healthy pregnancies and thriving babies.

How can there not be pushback when you go to a place of such radical empowerment?

…When you extend an invitation to your heroine-to-be, asking her to step out of the ordinary narrative and into a world where she takes center stage.

There are support people, some of whom may be crucial (some of them may even be doctors, gasp!).

But where, at the end of the day, this is your journey, and you take the action that leads you and your baby forward.

Welcome to the Matrix

It’s a very Matrix moment, when you get pregnant and mother your children. There’s a dominant narrative:

⚠️ That pregnancy is fraught with danger, mostly based upon luck, and that you need to be rescued from it by the doctor.

⚠️ That mother and baby are actually in opposition to one another, and at anytime the “savior” may have to come in to rescue you from the evils of one another’s bodies.

⚠️ That there’s nothing significant about birth or the early moments after it, and that interruptions are justified, that you can just pick up the pieces later (but later they’ll tell you to shut up, because you have a healthy baby, after all!)

⚠️That the postpartum time has to be fraught with difficulty because that’s just innately the way it is, not because our support of postpartum mamas and our entire conceptualization of motherhood is faulty

⚠️ And that motherhood is a burden, all around, and of course it’s going to suck on many levels… because what can you expect when you’ve “settled” and “given up” so much freedom to “live life on your terms.”

Shattering this narrative is scary, especially when you’ve marinated in it for literally your whole life, as most pregnant mamas today have.

Will You Answer the Call?

The hero in so many birth stories is the doctor. You hear it in the language: “he saved my baby’s life, the cord was around the neck!” (possibly the most bogus statement made by OBs with a hero complex ever, but that’s a topic for another post)… or whatever complication they likely caused and are now trying to claim they “saved” your baby from…

…or with the statement, “they took her” / “they took him” - as in, they induced labor or performed a c-section to “rescue” the baby. This one grates on me on so many levels. Consenting to a medically necessary procedure is one thing, but “they” do not “take” your baby… you birth your baby (even if you have assistance).

There are so many other examples of the doctor (or midwife) being elevated to the hero/heroine…

But YOU are the heroine of this story. I would also argue that you and your baby travel this journey together, particularly during birth, when the baby is a very active participant. The two of you are journeying towards one another, then off into the sunset together…

Ultimately, being the heroine requires that you step out of your comfort zone, opt out of the matrix, and question the dominant narratives.

This is ironic, perhaps, to choose to step into your power in the midst of a situation where society tells you you’re “giving up part of yourself,” or “settling,” or “losing your freedom.” To instead claim that you are going to find power here is sacrilegious - because we exist in a culture where mothering has little value outside of a trite Hallmark card.

Even scarier, this requires that you come face-to-face with your own limitations, wrestle with them, and find a way forward in spite of them.

It may mean that you face a pregnancy or birth that doesn’t go exactly as you imagine. Physical, emotional, even spiritual challenges can and do arise during pregnancy.

But if you’ve chosen to heed the heroine’s call, you can also be assured that your conscious, fully empowered choices do make a difference for your pregnancy and your baby - and that you will be better for the challenges you face.

You have that power within you.

It’s your decision - do you want to shed others’ narratives, the comfort of your typical routines, the possibility of guilt, and the fear of responsibility?

Pregnancy is an inner journey for you as much as it is growing the new soul of your child…

…but the rewards of stepping out on this journey are manifold - and you and your baby will see lifelong benefit from your courage, practical steps, and even the moments where you wrestle with doubt.

What will it be, gentle and fierce mama? Will you answer the heroine’s call?